Conscious Partnerships And Parenting
Red flags can be a portal for vulnerability or abuse. Which do you choose?
We all have trauma in our past, the only way to deal with a red flag is to speak up about it. Be real, if the partner is mature, they will respond with truth to your concern and you will bond. If the red flag is met with immaturity, defense and toxicity,
you have a breeding ground for further trauma.
Love is like a flower, if you trample it, it dies. If you give it the right light,(truth),
pure water, (healed emotions)
and good soil (accountability) Love will grow.
If you give it darkness and shady behavior,it will die,
if you give it toxic water, unhealed emotions, it will die,
if you give it sour dirt and you are not accountable, it will die.
Treat your love and lover like a flower, watch them blossom.
Every surrender is gateway to another level up. Trust why you have been brought together.
It is a wounded man's job to learn how to be patient with a wounded woman. Only then will she trust you. And when she blossoms into you from the safety and patience you provide her, she will be like an ancient rare long extinct flower that will be the spectacle of a lifetime to behold. You will have parts of her she never gave another man. You will witness the glory of the feminine in all her sacred soft splendor,
if you push, are impatient or violent in words and actions, she will start trusting you a little less and less for every display of lack of patience you show her.
It is the man's job to learn how to become a man. Most men did not learn this from their fathers, as our fathers were unequipped, raised by emotionally and spiritually immature men, so we must learn it from our brothers and sometimes we must learn from wounding women ourselves, a wounded man and wounded woman will only keep hurting one another unless they both deal with their wounds.
It should never be the other partner's responsibility to heal the other, that is an inside job, like happiness and love. But we can provide each other with the space needed for healing and sometimes that means breaking up if the wounds are too much to carry.
To be alone is a lot better than further wounding one another. We never heal that way. Healing the emotional body is detrimental to healing, Healing the mental body comes as a result of healing the emotional body and through the spiritual maturing process that takes place once the emotional body is healed, and it will not only heal yourself, your relationships, your family dynamic, your friendships, your work relations, your experience of life in total, but it will also heal the world.
But a woman must always be made to feel safe if she is to open up, but she must also take accountability and transparency on her part.
But the man must always lead the dance. If he cannot make her feel safe, she will not open up.
On the other hand, if he is able to provide safe space for her and she still keeps up with toxic behavior, ending the relationship is the only way out for you keep your health. Then they will have to walk alone for a while in order to heal, not jump in and out of relationship thinking love will save them. It never will. They will only keep attracting wounded men and add to their wounds.
Wounding attracts wounding, even when we are healed we align from our wounds and experiences in life. I see this time and time again, our traumas are where we bond the most. And align, every time, but when they are healed, it no longer perpetuates trauma, but heals on deeper and deeper levels. And still I find that it is the man who has to be fearless in his authenticity for the woman to follow, as he has to lead her energetically, or she will step into her masculine energy and the male lose his masculine presence. A soft man, afraid man, will never gain her trust and keep her in her feminine, but once a man can truly stay in his masculine, she will stay in her feminine and blossom more and more with you as you provide her that safety by taking the lead and express vulnerability first in fearless authenticity.
My greatest fear is not losing my partner or being alone. My greatest fears was being afraid to be authentic and loved for who I am and for my wounds as they were seen as unlovable in every one of my past relationships. Learning to express my fears without triggers, without fear of being left, has been my greatest teacher this year and last year, even when I wasn't loved for who I truly am, I still learned that honesty was the best policy even when she left me. As I came to learn that I would never be alone as I saw myself and my own beauty, I was able to remain vulnerable and open even further with my current partner.
If you are afraid to be alone, you will attract predators. If you are afraid to be alone you will always settle for a relationship you will feel alone in. Become content in solitude and you will never be alone again, especially not in your own company.
This in turn made her trust me, love me for who I am and open up to me as well, in vulnerability without fear we have both found unwavering encouragement to open our petals more than we ever did before. All it takes is for one partner to be able to do this and any relationship can be saved if there is true love there, self love. Self love means to dare to be yourself without fear of being left. It means you love yourself and your partner enough to honor yourself and them with the truth. At all times. Any lack of truth, is lack of commitment and will be an immense lesson of you not embodying all that you can be.
A fear of being alone is what damages us the most as we put up with things we never would put up with from friends and family. I have a beautiful saying,
"If you would not treat your friend like that, you should not treat your family or partner like that either."
If you do not scream and shout at your friends, the people at your work, you should not scream in your home, to your children, to your partner.
This is NEVER OK. And we hurt ourselves as well in the process.
Treat your family and partner friendly and a lot will heal on it's own, friendship is the basis for all relationships, even parent - child and most especially our partners as it will affect the child as well.'
Truth and trust always walk hand in hand, they can never be apart or the other will eventually be found missing. But sometimes we are afraid to be authentic due to past traumas, I say be authentic anyways, the one who is meant to love you,
will love you FOR YOU and in ALL YOU ARE. The ones who do not love you in your truth, never really loved you to begin with, not at all, whatsoever, they loved their ideas of you, who you could be to them, not who you truly are. Take the lesson and move on, there are plenty of people in this world.
Deep connections are not rare, but truth is.
Unconscious partners, raise their children in their unconscious, further propagating unconsciousness in their children, handing down trauma to the next generation. So it is detrimental for a parent to become conscious and spiritually accountable, mentally and emotionally mature, which can only happen through spiritual maturity and full accountability for own wounding and an immature relationship will always cause trauma on both partners as well as their offspring, as patterns are energy and energy is infectious.
I vow to never be a stepdad, but a dad that steps up. Make no difference in the children you have been blessed with,
whether they are all your own or shared between the two of you,
from former partnerships. This is the way to not create jealousy between siblings. This is the way to truly love a child. This is how I wished I was loved when I was younger, but my dad never knew how to, until I was 23 and he embraced all I was...
The healing that happened from that, was immense and we spent years healing decades of trauma I had been suffering under from birth.
I have my sister to thank for it as she saw it and would not stand for it.
Love your siblings and demand your parents love you the same and if they don't, tell them you want nothing to do with them until they do.
The fear of losing both children will most likely wake the parent up.
All love is different, the way we love our parents, the way we love our children, the way we love our partners, the way we love our partners children, the expression will never be the same, as it is conditional also to how they treat us and behave, no one is entitled to love in such a way they can act how they wish, to love does not always mean putting up with everything we are thrown at us, it sometimes mean having boundaries and speaking up. Then it becomes so much easier to honor and love one another and our boundaries.
A wounded child will most likely always test us and misbehave out of a need for discipline, boundaries, truth and (tough) love and as parents it is very important to agree on how to raise a child and do it together, a split between mom and dad, will always make the child question mom and dads resolve and union and any immature behavior from the parents, will make a child lose respect and faith in grown ups.
Never ever, ever under any circumstances lie to a child as it will feel your lies and lose faith in you. Never ever, ever under any circumstances let the child do as it pleases,
it will lose faith in itself and not know it's own limits.
Shape the child, with strong virtues, morals and ethics and gift the child early, what you learned later in life. This is how the ancient tribes raised children. The elders taught them the wisdom of life and immaturity was less rampant in both parent and child. Today we see immaturity in both parents and children alike, with inflamed emotional bodies lashing out and throwing tantrums, this is how the wounds and programs are passed on. A child will never listen to what you say, if your words do not match your actions. They watch behavior, patterns and cycles and will repeat them into old age themselves.
This is the problem we are facing as a planet and healing starts in the home, healing starts with you, in order to heal the planet, we must heal ourselves,
to think anything else is hypocritical. You cannot demand from your partner, your child or even the world that which you are not willing to offer.
In hermetic alchemy this become very apparent and this is the biggest Secret of Life, The quote is one of the seven principles of Hermes Trismegistus, author of Hermetic Corpus.
As Above so Below, what is healed in our minds,
will be healed in the world's collective consciousness.
As Within, So Without, what is healed in our energy and body will be healed in the world's collective health, if everyone did just that,
through spiritual accountability of mind, body and spirit.
As above – As in Heaven – (Your own mind)
So below – So on Earth – (In your body and environment)
If we think and act conscious, consciousness will follow;
if we think and act unconscious, unconsciousness will follow.
Thought alone is not enough, the intent and actions must match your thought and word.
You can only heal the world, your family, your partnerships, by healing yourself. For a healthy self and a healthy experience of life, mind, body and spirit, you have to know thyself and heal thyself this is to truly love thyself.
Half measured attempts at love, will always make our love be found lacking.
If you are experiencing problems with any of these matters,
I, Ulf haukenes am a certified and thoroughly experienced healer, lifecoach, Sacred Partnership coach and etheric surgeon part of the Meridian Energetics Team of global healers. I look forward to hearing from you.
- Ulf Haukenes
Click on image of Ulf and Jesus for link to artist's respective websites.
Ulf Haukenes - The Soul Alchemist © 2018,
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