I'm not afraid


I'm not afraid to die as everything that has ever truly been mine is inside. I'm not afraid of the darkness as it's the only way I can see my light. I'm not afraid to bleed as I bled myself dry in a bucket in the night. I'm not afraid to bear myself naked and cut myself with your truth.............. But I'm afraid if I let you love me, You'll leave me on a trail of crumbs. Always seeking always wanting more, Never really fed with a bursting heart bleeding at its very core.

Open windows and closed doors, knocking, waiting, hoping to come in from the cold. But every thing is locked, every door is shut, a window is not enough, I need these walls to come crashing down, I need to breathe, I need to run in the open fields of love with you.

In the waiting room, waiting to come in, Time seems to stand still. I try to move the time with my will. I escape my mind from time to time and travel away from myself to this place I mage in. Every day is exactly the same. Waiting and waiting. Creating and creating. Waiting and creating.

Casting my spells. Hill after hill. An uphill battle. Casting of light. Embracing the shadows. Fighting this longing, This burning soul, This bleeding heart, Will it ever bleed out?

And On this eve of Eves, On the ears of elves, Falls my poetry like dew On leaves waiting to freeze On last autumns eve. Tendrils snapping, One by one, as my heart unravels and comes undone. Imploding with the weight of a thousand suns.

Another metamorphosis has begun, My shining heart like a dying sun, My heart is going supernova, Breaking the walls of my chrysalis, Light pouring out the cracks, Can't break the surface too soon, My wings are but almost ready, And I am yearning to take flight, To feel the ashes shake off of me, As this Opal Phoenix flies into the night.

A shimmering nebulous remains of a long forgotten star, hopefully seen from exactly where you are, lighting the path home to our beginning as this is the end, this is the death of everything I never was and the birth of all I am becoming. In you, I found home, In me, you found home, Yet I cannot rest, hard to create peace, Until your head is on my chest, My heart be longing to be filled with ease.


- Ulf Haukenes -spring 2016


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