Making It Through The Dark Night Of The Soul


After half a decade of being a Party Boy with the usual party favors, I entered the dark night of the soul in 2002. I felt like the world became inverted, I was already in therapy for a lifetime of trauma, especially related to my avoidant father and sexual abuse from someone outside the family when I was younger. With a lack of masculine presence and deep trauma I sought out male role models and father figures in not so favorable environments.

As a result I started drinking very young, at the age of 12 and by the time I was getting out of middle school I was already deep into party drugs and smoked Cannabis daily. I was on a fast track to a shamanic crisis and what the medical community would call a psychosis. Being semi-psychotic with heightened kundalini energy for several years, it all finally came tumbling down as I was coming off the pills and cannabis I had used to ween myself off the harder drugs. I had a full blown kundalini awakening that burst through my crown and I ran outside on the lawn to sit on the ground, grasping at grass straws in an attempt not to float off into the sky as that is how it felt. I was sure I was going to die.

In the days after I became increasingly psychotic from the kundalini syndrome due to malnutrition and lack of tools to ground myself, even though my higher self made many attempts to get through to me and have me go outside, my sense of lack of safety had me panicking. And in my panic, the medical professionals and even natural healers recommended I would go to mental health facility and admit myself. After a suicide attempt gone wrong, I woke up halfway bleeding to death and a voice asked me, do you want to live or do you want to die?

It was my mother reaching her hand out to me as I was in a daze on the couch. I was finally admitted, but put on medications that would come to further challenge my mental state and now even physical state as it would rob my body of the vital nutrients needed to heal from a mental imbalance. A vicious cycle that I have written extensively about in my book: Holistic Mental Health For The Golden Age.

You can read more about my amazing story to recovery in my book on sale now for only $15.10

Soul to soul connections and the dark night of the soul. The spiritual community has romanticized the twin flames and with their rose tinted glasses describe the connection as something heavenly only and failing to mention that we are looking at a connection that produces alchemy and heightened kundalini activity which in turn often puts them both in a process which more often than not creates a dark night of the soul, in terms of alchemy called the Nigredo. This dismantling of the old self, where often we lose our health, our jobs, our friends, our homes and life as we knew it and we have to recreate ourselves from the ashes of what was burned to the ground of our former self is simply alchemy and mentioned in all the holy texts of our time. This is never a pleasant experience, but a most necessary component of becoming the true self. An authentic being living in complete freedom to express itself from the soul. But to receive this immense freedom from our ego self and the monkey mind we must first lose it.

When it feels like we are losing our minds, Let it be lost so we can retrieve the heart mind. This compassion for self and our thoughts will lead us to be able to think of only that which we wish to think of, rather than the many endless trains of thought that stray through our minds on a daily basis as a result of conditioning and traumas early in life. We must lose our minds to find our hearts. This is the price we pay for a higher state of consciousness. And when you come out of the tunnel and see the light, it will all have been worth it. When we go through the dark night of the soul we are called to slow down and take it easy on ourselves and simplify our lives and reduce stress and come back to the self. Most of us have been distracting ourselves from feeling our own pain our whole lives and ran around like headless chickens destroying ourselves and others in the process. Coming to consciousness we then have to sit with what we have done and begin a process of forgiveness and letting go. Most seek therapists and the traditional mental health system and falls victim to misdiagnosis and medications and most of us spend years healing from the mistreatment of a failing medical system that severely lacks spiritual understanding and what is truly occurring. In the coming times shamanic crisis, mental health problems and these soul to soul connections producing alchemy will be more and more common and those of us who have already gone through it will be in great need.

The Dark Night Of The Soul is the door that bring us into true and lasting enlightenment. If we look to the cosmos, it is the darkness that gives birth to light and the paradox of the black hole that swallows all surrounding light, we too enter the void of our consciousness to give birth to unimaginable soul light and spiritual maturity.

The dark night often comes like a hurricane where we enter the storm and experience a peace in the eye of the storm only to be hurled back into chaos again, only this time we have gathered tools and wisdom and can navigate it better.

Through life we may enter many such dark nights as we don't always get it right the first time and learn to fully love ourselves and our path of heart. We didn't deeply surrender into humility and stay lucid, but got distracted by residual habits or patterns that brought us back on to a path of lessons.

Many experience complete breakdown of identity, work, friends, often catalyzed by a major event such as an illness, a divorce, death in the family or a near death experience. We come face to face with our mortality and we have to face and heal deep trauma, often childhood wounds and family patterns and addictions as well.

Some stay in this dark night for years due to selfmedicating with alcohol, cannabis, pills and other depressants that decreases the serotonine and dopamine levels and many are now also being medicated with strong psychotropic drugs due to a healthcare system that doesn't understand spirituality and the alchemy of a soul living in a human body. The medication depletes vital nutrients the body needs to heal their specific condition which in turn keeps them in stasis and/or decay never truly healing from the trauma they are medicated for.

It's a vicious cycle made by an industry that profits tremendously from an ongoing imbalance and they simply up the dose or experiment with the patients trying out new and improved versions of their drugs. Psychotropic drugs deplete vitamins and minerals and enzymes and leaves many infertile, unable to perform sexually or even orgasm after long term use. Side effects that often increases risk of suicide is not uncommon and I have seen many depressed people become chronic suicidal from so-called mood stabilizers. People with mild anxiety ending up with panic attacks etc.

There is no way to true enlightenment and true transformation without the dark night of the soul and the alchemy that occurs as a result of it. But those that can find themselves to be devoted to their alchemy and understand and study this process will spend a lot less time being lost in life. Many never come out of it and distract themselves and numb themselves forever in a perpetual dark night of the soul their entire lives and die unknowing of the riches that is found in the darkness.

The darkness gives birth to the most unimaginable beauty and light, a light, a force and power that can never be taken from us no matter what the world or people throw at us. It is the unwavering love of self that comes from diving deep into our own pain, the pain holds the beauty, the pain is the key that opens all doors, but most people refuse to feel through this pain and come out the other side. They numb it with drugs, alcohol and distract themselves with work, love, sex, friends, activities, chasing money and fame and the pursuit of external happiness.

They will never know true love, Never know true happiness. Their happiness will be weighed in gold, material possessions and nothing truly solid and so it can easily be taken from them and when it does their whole world falls apart. But take everything from a man that holds the philosophers stone and he will remain happy, he will remain solid for his foundation of happiness is created within.

He has built the emerald heart through his alchemy and carry the universe within his consciousness and from it he can create whatever he wishes to experience, yet as humble as it may be to the eyes who seek to create with greed and grandeur. The emerald heart transforms a man and he will never be the same. What he once wanted no longer satisfies and what he once took for granted is more than he could ever ask for. And so it is the alchemy that takes lead and makes it gold, is all but in the state of mind and the riches of the soul is far richer than any riches of silver and gold.

As someone who took the medical route and suffered greatly for it for many years I strongly recommend finding someone who has been through the dark night of the soul themselves and understand the alchemy behind it and get the tools necessary to navigate your daily challenges and if you are lucky enough to find an equipped healer who has truly done the great work,

I recommend doing work on the mental body, emotional body, pain body and etheric body to clear out old energy and make more room for the new energy to enter into you. I especially recommend doing inner child work, as most of us have abandoned ourselves and live in disconnection from ourselves with addictions and distractions not able to connect to our higher self and reparent the inner child to reach full spiritual maturity.

This will not only speed up your process, but make it easier for you to step into the true self and lead the life you always wanted.

If you feel called to work with us here at White Wolf Alchemy,

write us for a free consultation and we will put together tools and guidance specific to your needs from our vast toolbox from years of studying alchemy, various healing modalities, yoga and spiritual practices as a result of our own awakening and search for enlightenment, but most of all our many years of experiencing kundalini awakenings and the dark night of the soul.

Take a look at our other articles and free material to further assist you in gaining clarity of what you are experiencing.

Should you need our help beyond our free material, know that

we look forward to hearing from you and assisting you on a deeper level. Look to our testimonials for what our many grateful clients has to say about working with us. We love being of service and using what was once our lead, as the alchemical gold that keeps on giving, the curse that become our blessing and we love to see the light return to our clients eyes as they begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We wish you Godspeed on your Hero's Journey and light to shine upon your path.

Blessings, Ulf & Mary of White Wolf Alchemy

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